She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
