I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
