You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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