I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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