the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize