I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
