It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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