im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
