Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
