I hate all girls vehemently.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
