Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
