Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
