I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
