And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
