I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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