Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
