Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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