The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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