Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
