Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
