i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
