Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
