you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
