i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
