so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the day after is always just damage control
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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