i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
