I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
