I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
