so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
