I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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