I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
