I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
