Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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