Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
