I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
