If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
