i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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