Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
