Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
