If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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