Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
the liver wants what the liver wants
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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