We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize