I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
