I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
