She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
