Best friends brother. Beat that.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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