We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
