We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
