everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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