im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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