i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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