In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
