my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
