I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
