Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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