Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize