I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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