Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
