I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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