i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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