is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
