I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
