I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
