my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
