My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
