I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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