If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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