There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
